Healthy Ways to Navigate Conflict for Teens

When I was in middle school, we had a student-run conflict resolution program. I was one of the conflict resolution managers, the one thing I ever participated in during my K-12 education. I never got to use my training, but that idea of helping my peers navigate through conflicts stuck with me. Now, as a teacher and parent, navigating conflict feels like a full-time job lol.

There is an activity I used to do with my students that seemed really helpful. It got them up and moving, but it also got them thinking about how they respond when faced with a conflict.

The Conflict Activity –

Using the circle of control, students explore what they do and do not have control over. When faced with conflict, there are a lot of things flying through your mind. If you can quiet the things you can’t control, you’ll be more successful at addressing what you can control.

So, with my students, I would draw the biggest circle I could on the board. Then another circle within it. I would give each student a handful of sticky notes. On half of their sticky notes, they would write down things they could control (I would give them about two to three minutes for this). Then on the other half, they would write down what they could not control. They would stick them up on the board each time they wrote one. I would take off duplicates. Once everyone seemed to be slowing down, I would push each of them to come up with at least one more for each circle. Getting the circles as full as possible was part of my goal.

Students would get 20 minutes or so to write down as many examples as they could think of from their own lives in which they used or experienced something from the sticky notes.

For example, I had one student write down “what people say about me” because she heard girls in the locker room talking about the sizeable scar on her arm. The girls were saying some less-than-kind things and my student knew she couldn’t control what they said. But she could control how she responded. So she walked up to them, stated that the scar was from a car accident a few years prior, and she walked away. In her writing, she explained that it felt good knowing that now if they gossiped, it wouldn’t be because they didn’t know better.

I’m always surprised by the things students have experienced. Of course, I was a teenager many (many) years ago and had some experiences. But to hear how students struggle, cope, and navigate these instances is usually really heart-warming.

In the end…

Teens are navigating so much in their lives at this stage. The more we can help clear a path to success the better. Helping separate what they can and can’t control is a big part of that. I’ve talked about this before, but repetition with this can further develop this skill. At least once a semester, students should do this activity. Having them look back at what they wrote the first time can also be helpful so they are reminded how strong and capable they are in the face of conflict.